Ryan X - looking for beta testers

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

The first time was in the eye care aisle in Walmart.

The final time was in my apartment while on a call with my coach.

August 29, 2010 was a turning point in my life. I wrote this blog post where I basically said “ENOUGH!” And that created a lot of abundance in a short amount of time.

I had the enough moment when I was looking for contact lens solution in Walmart.

My biggest fear in life is that I’m not enough. It’s a fear of lack and a fear of running out of time and resources. It’s as if I’m not where I want to be NOW, I’ll never be where I want to be.

Make no mistake, my life is as good as it’s ever been. But I’m not where I want to be yet. My income, client practice, relationships, authorial, and personal power aren’t where I want them to be…yet.

But just because I’m not there now, doesn’t mean I won’t ever get there.

I’ve gone through my entire life like there was never going to be enough. Like there wasn’t going to be enough time, enough money, datable women, story inspiration – nothing was ever going to be enough. I’ve lived my entire life like I was running out of time.

And one of my biggest regrets is that I couldn’t present my dad with a signed copy of Written in the Stone. I ran out of time before I could give that to him.

Let’s assess where my life is right now. What are the facts?

·      I’m down 25 pounds and counting since I moved to New York.

·      I’m accepted by some amazing men and women sight unseen (sound familiar?)

·      My writing is as good as it’s ever been.

·      I have the potential for a magical relationship staring me in the eyes.

·      I’m creating a new life for myself every day.

·      And I have fallen head over heels in love with myself.

Anything bad there? It’s all good. It’s all gravy.

Buuuuuuttttt:

·      I still want to lose another 20 pounds by January.

·      Have those men and women gotten me any business yet?

·      I’ve still got at least 15 thousand words to a completed first draft of a new book.

·      Potential stresses me out! Potential doesn’t make me happy.

·      Loving myself is a difficult choice at times.

Long story short, I’m not there yet.

Since that August Sunday in 2010, I have set my life on fire.

·      I wrote and published a novel.

·      I’m neck deep in another one.

·      I’m a graduate of the world’s finest coach training program.

·      I have a new family across the western hemisphere. From Grand Cayman to Rhode Island. From BC to Chicago. I’m part of the finest community of people I have ever known.

·      I’m healing and re-building every day.

And that’s just for starters.

So, why am I sharing all this? Why am I opening myself for all this?

My life is already incredible and beautiful RIGHT NOW! And it’s getting better every day.

I’ve been scared to lean into the good things my life has. Because – I’m terrified that it’s all going to be taken away from me.

But you know what? That’s bullshit!

My life is not going to be taken away from me. I’m not a child. I’m a grown man with power and purpose.

Getting back to that original quote, the first time I truly got tired of my bullshit was after that female human broke my heart in 2010.

The final time – the absolute final time – was today with my coach.

I was sitting there really choking back tears, and I couldn’t help but ask myself “What the hell are you doing here, Ryan?”

I am a king! I’m brilliant, kind, loving, funny, and warm. And I’m pretty damn sexy! A king worries not about these things. A king IS good. He doesn’t worry about how it looks. Because a king knows who he is.

My original re-boot I called Ryan 2.0. It was good for a while, but it wore out its usefulness.

I’ve gone through so many operating systems that I don’t know what number I’m on.

So, I’m going to borrow a page from Apple here. Apple is naming their new Rolls Royce special edition iPhone the iPhone X. It costs as much as a new Rolls, but that’s beside the point.

From this place of abundant resources, unlimited love and time, and expansive love and peace, I hereby release Ryan X.

I’m going to take this being, and spread it over the world. I’m going to let Ryan be Ryan. I’m going to put my voice on a louder and louder speaker. I’m going to show the world just what I can create.

I’ve created a lot with my life in the last 8 years. And I’m just getting started.

I know I have control over my life. I know I have control over who I’m being in the world. I know I am worthy of the big things I’ve declared for myself.

But unlike the original Ryan 2.0 release, this won’t be hard. This will just be, because this is who I am.

If I could reflect the words of the great poet Maurice White in the Earth, Wind, and Fire Song Mighty Mighty.

“In your heart lies/all the answers. To the truth you/can’t run from.”

You know something, Ryan X is without a doubt the being of a King. And make no mistake, I am a king!

It’s about time I start to own that.